I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had to cum in my sink.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
