Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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