Plan B is the new Plan A
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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