I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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