im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So much rum. So many feels.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
