we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
