i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
