i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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