Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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