I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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