Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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