Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
