I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
