I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize