we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
