I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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