I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
pray to the hookup gods
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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