What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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