All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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