Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
