Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
