umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
