just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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