Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
