I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
