i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
