So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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