so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
