I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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