Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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