For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
