the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
