Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
