ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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