....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
