He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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