Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
