Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i will never coherently bang her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
