I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
