hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
