my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
