so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
