It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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