ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
