My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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