Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
