I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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