Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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