I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
