What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
