a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
