can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
