ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
