why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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