Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
