i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
