what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
