My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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