Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
